But tonight begins my at least eighteen weeks of being held hostage by the New England Patriots (twenty-three weeks if they make it to the Super Bowl), so it’s time to continue my education.
Many words and much frustration have only brought me to very beginning of the game. So what happens after kickoff? Usually, the receiving team catches the ball and runs as far as they can toward the opposing team’s end zone. Wherever the kicking team tackles the receiving team is where the next phase of play begins. For this scenario, we’re assuming that the receiving team caught the ball in the endzone and knelt on it. Therefore, everything starts on the 20 yard line (I didn’t remember that until Mike told me, but I’ve decided that’s OK). That’s usually how it goes. Things start on the 20 yard line.
Something I never realized about football: it’s not like baseball or basketball where the same guys play most of the game. After kickoff, we still have eleven guys from each team on the field, but it’s a different eleven guys. Mike says that there’s a lot of overlap in high school, but the talent at the collegiate/pro level is deep enough that it would be crazy to have the same guys playing for the whole game. And besides, this way I have to learn twice as much. Something that’s a major upgrade, though, is that jersey numbers actually mean something in football—they’re indicative of the player’s position. That does mean, however, that it is very unusual for a team to retire a number, though Mike has already informed me that Tom Brady will assuredly be the last Patriot to wear number 12.
So, after kickoff here are the new eleven guys that line up on the twenty yard line for the receiving team:
5 offensive line men. The dots marked T (Tackle), G (Guard), and C (Center). These are the sumo wrestler looking guys who wear numbers 60-79. Their sole job is to block for the guys standing behind them: the quarterback "Q" and the running backs "RB". They cannot be the first guys to touch the ball once the quarterback throws it. They cannot cross the line of scrimmage unless it’s a running play or the quarterback has already thrown the ball (more on types of plays later). They just block. That’s probably why they don’t usually get very famous.
1-2 tight ends (usually one), marked "TE". These guys are found on either side of the offensive linemen and they wear numbers 80-89. They’re not as big as offensive linemen. Their job is to sometimes block, and sometimes run out and catch a pass. Mike says the best one playing right now is Tony Gonzalez, who plays for the Kansas City Chiefs.
1-5 wide receivers "WR". These guys are on the farthest ends of the offensive line and wear numbers from 80-89. They run out and catch passes. They are the skinny fast guys on a team. Mike gives me the examples of Jerry Rice (retired from the San Francisco 49ers—Wikipedia tells me that he’s the best, so it must be true). Randy Moss (the New England Patriots) and Terrell Owens (now with the Buffalo Bills) are supposed to be the best ones playing right now. I’ve heard of all of these guys. I saw Terrell Owens on Tosh.0 and thought it was kind of funny. I feel a little less pathetic.
1 Quarterback. He’s the braintrust of the team—-at the play level he takes the snap and hands it off or passes it. His number is 1-19. Historically, Mike likes Joe Montana (San Francisco 49ers). I’ve heard of Tom Brady (the New England Patriots), the Manning brothers (Peyton with the Indianapolis Colts and Eli with the New York Giants), and this Brett Favre guy--everyone keeps arguing over whether or not he can make it through the season.
0-2 Running Backs "RB". They stand behind the quarterback in jersey numbers 30-39 and can get the handoff from the quarterback and run with the ball. They can also block for the quarterback, or go out and catch a pass. They’re not as skinny as wide receivers, not as big as tight ends. They run pretty fast. Mike likes Adrian Peterson (Minnesota Vikings). And because I went to UCLA, I heard about USC and Reggie Bush (New Orleans Saints) a whole lot for a few years.
Play begins with the snap: that’s when the center (he’s the really big guy in the center of the really big offensive line) hikes (passes the ball backwards through his legs) through to the quarterback. They don’t have to wave their hands or anything like the kicker does. They yell, but it’s a code that supposedly tells their players what to do and no one else.
There are two basic types of plays: running plays and passing plays.
A running play happens when the quarterback takes the snap and hands it to a running back (who then runs with the ball).
A passing play happens when the quarterback takes the snap, takes a few steps back, and then tries to pass (throw) the ball to a wide receiver, a tight end, or a running back.
So who are the eleven guys from the other team and what are they doing?
3-5, usually 4, Defensive Lineman (Red dots marked "DE" and "DT"): These are the big guys in front wearing jersey numbers that are usually 50-69. They’re not the same guys as the offensive lineman (except in high school, because apparently there just aren’t that many juggernaut teenagers in any given high school). One job: tackle the guy with the ball (they can start trying to do this as soon as the ball is snapped). On running plays, this will either be the quarterback or the running backs. On passing plays, they try get their hands up to block the pass (but this is hard, because they’re getting crushed by huge offensive lineman). Mike gives me the examples of Refrigerator Perry (formerly of the Chicago Bears) and Warren Sapp (formerly of the Oakland Raiders). I saw Refrigerator Perry on the Paula Dean show for Thanksgiving and Warren Sapp on Comedy Central’s roast of Larry the Cable Guy, so I know who they are.
3, sometimes 4 linebackers "LB". They stand behind the defensive linemen. Big guys, but not as big as defensive linemen, “fast-ish,” wear numbers 50-69. Their job: run in and try to tackle the quarterback or running backs. They also try to cover tight ends, and very rarely cover wide receivers. Mike names off Tedy Bruschi (retired from Pats) and Brian Urlacher (Chicago Bears—out for the season).
2 cornerbacks "CB" (usually as many as there are wide receivers). They stand on the far ends of the defensive line, across from the wide receivers, wearing numbers 20-
29. It’s their primary job to cover the wide receivers, so they’re also skinny fast guys too. The joke apparently is “if he had hands, he’d have been a wide receiver.” Their secondary job is to help tackle the guy with the ball, particularly when he gets away from the big defenders (which is not unusual, because they’re slow). Mike gives me the example of Asante Samuel(also formerly of the Patriots, now Philedelphia—-by now I’ve realized that Mike is not the most objective judge of NFL talent).
2 safeties "S". These guys stand on either side of the linebackers, wearing numbers 30-49. They’re kind of an insurance policy. Their job is to make sure that if the guy with the ball gets past this maze of huge people and manages to outrun the cornerbacks, that they still get tackled. Other jobs: sometimes they run in and tackle the quarterback in a play called a blitz, other times they help out on coverage for wide receivers and tight ends. They’re medium-ish guys—-a balance of speed and size. Mike likes Rodney Harrison (Patriots - retired) and Troy Polamalu (Pittsburgh Steelers--out for 3-6 weeks).
Alright—I’ve gotta learn about “downs” (which is apparently how play progresses) and then I’m actually going to try to follow the basic action of a game. Whew.
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