Maiden Voyage

The day Mike waits for around eight months of the year finally arrived on Monday: The New England Patriots’ first game of the season. He has to work late, so the game has been dutifully programmed into the DVR and all communication with the outside world is to cease until he too knows the outcome. The delay gives me a good opportunity to watch the first few plays with rewinding and pausing as I try desperately to see the movements Mike has patiently diagrammed for me in the previous weeks. I’m pretty pleased with myself for the first two and a half minutes of play: I see that the Patriots win the coin toss and decide to receive first. I can tell that the 50 yard return they make once they catch the ball is an impressive play. I see that they fail to advance 10 yards in four downs, turning the ball over to the Buffalo Bills.

Then a flag gets thrown on the field. I rewind to the beginning and wait for Mike.

Several hours later, I’ve got two pages of notes. I’m not understanding anymore and I’m bored. To top it off, we’re in the last five minutes of play and the Patriots are losing. Tom Brady, the Patriots quarterback that was out last season, is playing his first game in a year and the announcers aren’t impressed. There are a few calls that have Mike screaming “Bullshit!” at the TV. He’s swearing at some fantasy football move he made under the advice of a friend. He’s fast-forwarding through a lot of the Bills’ action. It’s turning into a long night.

With 2:10 remaining, the Patriots are trailing by 11 and are 18 yards from the endzone (which I’ve learned can also be described as “On the Bills’ 18”). A tight end, #84 Benjamin Watson who apparently narrowly avoided the cut to make this year’s team, got himself wide open in the end zone to catch a pass from Brady. Touchdown. Patriots trail by 5. They go for the two-point conversion (remember, that’s the line of scrimmage that forms at the second yard line after a touchdown is scored—the scoring team gets one down to get the ball back into the endzone). They fail. They need another touchdown.

Me: Why didn’t they kick the field goal?
Mike: Because a four point deficit wouldn’t have made a difference. They still would have needed a touchdown. But if they’d gotten the two-point conversion, they’d have only been trailing by 3 points. A field goal would have tied the game.

Field goal. As far as I know, that’s the thing that follows a touchdown. Apparently it can be something else, too. Of course it can. Apparently, if it’s fourth down and you have more than a yard or two to go to meet your 10 yard requirement, and the ball is currently within the other team’s 35 yard line, you can opt to kick a field goal, which is worth 3 points. Field goals are also a strategic move when there is not a lot of time left in game play and the offense needs 3 or fewer points to win or tie (as in this case). Still a third scenario—it’s overtime, which Carlin reminded us is “sudden death,” and any points win the game.

But all of that is irrelevant now, because the Patriots still trail by 5 and have to kick to the Bills. The kicker drills one into their endzone—Leodis McKelvin of the Bills catches it and tries to run with it. The guy with the ball is hit by safety Brandon Merriweather, who hits at the ball, trying to get McKelvin to drop it. Merriweather is joined in this effort by linebacker Pierre Woods. McKelvin drops the ball and a giant pile of football players forms. Mike stands up and yells “YES!!!”

When it seems safe to interrupt, I grab the remote and pause the recording. “What the hell just happened?”

Apparently, it’s the best possible scenario for the Patriots. Merriweather and Woods have caused a fumble. When the ball is dropped before the player with the ball is tackled, it’s a fumble. In a fumble situation, whoever gets the ball keeps the ball—hence the giant dog pile. When they pulled everyone apart, Patriots kicker Stephen Gostkowski had the ball, so the Patriots get to keep the ball 31 yards from the Bills’ endzone with around two minutes to score a touchdown.

They score. They fail at the two-point conversion, but that’s okay because the Bills don’t manage to get in range to kick a field goal. The Patriots win by one. The evening is salvaged.